Several theories exist as to the geographic origin of Finnish and the other Uralic languages. One such theory, proposed this morning, is that they originated when Klingon ships landed somewhere around the Ural Mountains region and the bend of the middle Volga. This groundbreaking theory was proposed by linguist and Starfleet communications officer Nyota Uhura during her linguistic research in Finland. Uhura stated that “this proves the validity of language contact from other worlds before Earth’s first confirmed contact with extraterrestrials.”
In a recent archaeological dig, researchers uncovered a Klingon bat’leth dating back to the second millennium B.C. On the bat’leth were engravings that matched carvings on ancient Finnish pottery. This finding led to a resurgence in historical linguistic analysis of the origins of Finnish, an analysis that suggests a Proto-Klingo-Uralic language existed.
The next step in Uhura’s research is to determine if Finnish speakers and Klingons share a common ancestor. It can be argued that after a crash landing on Earth, Klingons migrated northward and absorbed into a native Finnic-speaking population, giving rise to the modern Finns.
As a concluding remark, Uhura mentioned that “I expect Federation-Klingon research relations to improve as we embark on this endeavor to learn more about our shared past. Qapla’!”
[Editor’s note: For any readers unfamiliar with the holiday falling upon April 1 in some cultures, see April Fools’ Day.]